Most precious gift

Relationships in a family, especially with in-laws, can present many opportunities to put love where there is no love. When disagreements are present, the Focolare spirituality of unity shows us how to take that suffering and transform it into love.

I have tried to love my husband’s family and to think of them as I do of my own. Although it was not always easy with his father and mother, his grandmother was even more of a challenge. She was an especially unhappy and negative person who made it difficult for people around her. Most of the time, I was the only one who would take the time to be with her, since everyone else seemed tired of hearing her complaints. Over the years, a bond seemed to be growing between us. It had taken a long time to get to that point, and I was happy to see her in this way. When our family moved away, I kept in touch by letters, phone calls and sending her pictures of the children.

The death of my father brought me back to my hometown. I made it a point to go and visit with her because I knew her health was failing. But I soon found out that her negative disposition was still present as she told me how unhappy she was, how nobody cared, how noisy the house was, and on and on. She never asked how I was doing, about the funeral or anything about the family. The conversation was difficult for me, and I wanted to leave, but I felt I had to keep on loving, and I stayed.

A couple of days later, my husband’s brother came into town, bringing his girlfriend with him. Although they hadn’t been dating that long, I soon learned that my husband’s grandmother liked her a lot and she called her and showed her a hope chest that she wanted her to have when she dies. I was really taken by surprise and felt hurt. It seemed that the love I had tried to give her over the years didn’t mean anything to her.

As difficult as that moment was for me, I remembered that my love for her was not for myself, but out of love for Jesus. In talking about this with my husband, I realized that I was experiencing a bit of the rejection that Jesus felt on the cross and, united to him, I could continue to love as he had done. It was a turning point for me that gave me the strength to make those last days with her a treasure by keeping love alive. It was my gift to her, and I felt a joy inside that was more precious than any gift she could have ever given me.
—J. A.